Talking to Kids about Tragedy

Below is an article from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry. At the end are some other links including one to LS-R7's District's Parenting information.

Talking to Children about Community Violence

By David Fassler, M.D.

Once again, parents and teachers are faced with the challenge of discussing a tragic incident of community violence with children. Although these may be difficult conversations, they are also important. There are no "right" or "wrong" ways to talk with children about such traumatic events. However, here are some suggestions that may be helpful:

• Create an open and supportive environment where children know they can ask questions. At the same time, it's best not to force children to talk about things unless and until they're ready.
• Give children honest answers and information. Children will usually know, or eventually find out, if you're "making things up." It may affect their ability to trust you or your reassurances in the future.
• Use words and concepts children can understand. Gear your explanations to the child's age, language, and developmental level.
• Be prepared to repeat information and explanations several times. Some information may be hard for them to accept or understand. Asking the same question over and over may also be a way for a child to ask for reassurance.
• Acknowledge and validate the child's thoughts, feelings, and reactions. Let them know that you think their questions and concerns are important and appropriate.
• Remember that children tend to personalize situations. For example, they may worry about their own safety or the safety of friends and relatives, especially those who are away at college.
• Let children know that lots of people are helping the students, teachers, and families affected by the recent shootings.
• Children learn from watching their parents and teachers. They are very interested in how you respond to local and national events. They also learn from listening to your conversations with other adults.
• Don't let children watch too much television with frightening images. The repetition of such scenes can be disturbing and confusing.
• Children who have experienced trauma or losses in the past are particularly vulnerable to prolonged or intense reactions to news or images of violent incidents. These children may need extra support and attention.
• Children who are preoccupied with questions or concerns about safety should be evaluated by a trained and qualified mental health professional. Other signs that a child may need additional help include: ongoing sleep disturbances, intrusive thoughts or worries, recurring fears about death, leaving parents or going to school. If these behaviors persist, ask your child's pediatrician, family physician, or school counselor to help arrange an appropriate referral.
• Although parents and teachers may follow the news with close scrutiny, most children just want to be children. They may not want to think about or discuss violent events. They'd rather play ball, climb trees, or ride bikes.

Incidents of community violence are not easy for anyone to comprehend or accept. Understandably, some young children may feel frightened or confused. As parents, teachers, and caring adults, we can best help by listening and responding in an honest, consistent, and supportive manner.

Fortunately, most children -- even those exposed to trauma -- are quite resilient. However, by creating an open environment where they feel free to ask questions, we can help them cope with stressful events and experiences, and reduce the risk of lasting emotional difficulties.

David Fassler, M.D., is a child and adolescent psychiatrist practicing in Burlington, Vermont. He is also a clinical professor in the Department of Psychiatry at the University of Vermont College of Medicine.

More information about helping children cope with violence and trauma is available at:

http://www.nctsnet.org

and

http://mentalhealth.samhsa.gov/publications/allpubs/tips/intervention.pdf*

*denotes Adobe PDF document

Click here for the free Adobe Reader for PDF documents

R-7 District Website... parenting information including some relavant topics can be found here:
http://www.lsr7.org/parents/parenting-information/

Bullying Lessons Continued!

I have recently finished guidance lessons in classrooms and I wanted to communicate with parents what I have focused on in the grade levels I visited in December.

In 4th Grade students reviewed what they already know about bullying. We focused on the role of the bystander in a bullying situation as a bystander's decision to stand up to the bully can be the #1 deterrent to bullying behavior. We watched a DVD, "Bullies are a Pain in the Brain" by Trevor Romain. This comical DVD shows the many different types of bullying and gives many proven strategies to stop and prevent bullying.



In 3rd Grade students created a T-chart to brain storm ways that bullying hurts "inside" (examples of non-physical bullying) and "outside" (examples of physical bullying). We discussed the definition of bullying and how it must contain three parts: 1) intentional, 2) repeated, 3) imbalance of power (unfair). Then we read the book "Lucy and the Bully" by Clair Alexander. Students were asked to listen for the three parts of the definition of bullying to help them decide if what was happening in the book was true bullying. Then students worked in groups with different scenarios and discussed if the situation they were assigned was bullying and what could have been done to stop the bullying from happening.



In 6th grade students worked through an interactive power point to discuss many topics relating to bullying including bullying statistics, different types of bullying (including cyber bullying), ways to prevent themselves from being seen as a target for bullying, and different statistics of bullies and targets. Students were introduced to a new documentary coming Spring 2013 called "bully." Students watched a preview for this movie and worked in groups to discuss important facts regarding "Empowering Bystanders" and "Internet Safe Strategies for Youth." Students shared with the class about their different topics. For more information about this documentary please visit here. For more resources regarding bullying, please visit here.


Lastly, please accept my sincerest wishes for a Happy Holiday Season! I look forward to welcoming students back after the new year!!!

Bullying Prevention

In the months of November and December I will be visiting classrooms to conduct bullying lessons. I have visited the following grade levels in the month of November. If you don't see your child's grade here, I will be  in their classroom in December!

In Kindergarten, we read "Hands are Not for Hitting" and discussed behavior that is considered bullying behavior. We discussed all the many ways we can use our hands (for learning, doing, helping, playing, and building) but NOT for hitting.



In 1st grade we created a T chart and brainstormed what we think bullying looks like and sounds like on one side, and how bulling feels on the other. Students used many amazing descriptions such as "it feels like lightening in your heart" and "bullying is bruises your insides, it hurts your insides like a bruise on your skin." Then we read the book "Bullies Never Win" and discussed various strategies to combat bulling. Students folded a paper heart every time they heard bulling in the book, and we discussed the lasting effect that bullying has on someone--another reason not to bully and to stand up to those we see being bullied.



In second grade we reviewed the definition of bullying: that bullying is hurtful or harmful behavior through words and actions, that it is intentional (on purpose), and that there is an imbalance of power (it is not peer/friend conflict). We discussed the three roles in a bullying situation--the bully, the target, and the bystander. Students watched a video to learn different strategies to combat bullying. We discussed especially the role of the bystander in bullying, and that a bystander has the most power in a bullying situation if they make the choice to stand up when they see bullying happening. In fact they have two choices--to do nothing or to stand up to the bully or get help on behalf of the target. Which choice would students make now that they know the power they have as a bystander?



In 5th grade students reviewed the definition of bullying and different types of bullying. Students watched a video "Gum in My Hair" which teaches many different strategies to handle a bully, including avoid, use words to stand up to a bully, improve body language/confidence, involve friends or adults to help, and sometimes YELL. Students also learned the difference between normal peer conflict and a true bullying situation.



Don't forget to check out the guidance schedule here to see when I will be visiting your child's classroom!!

Helping Children Navigate The World Wide Web

I am visiting classrooms this month discussing personal body safety--teaching children how to keep themselves safe if someone tries to hurt their body. This year I am incorporating aspects of internet safety in my lessons with older students. I personally believe I would be doing a disservice to students and families if I didn't address safety on the internet and other forms of technology communication. This applies to personal safety issues and bullying. We live in a very unique day and age where our children are "techy"-r than any of us might think to be (well, more than me, anyway!). In other words, our kids know more about the internet than we do! The internet provides an avenue for connecting, educating, expressing, and learning that is incredibly beneficial to children and adults alike. The internet is a powerful tool, undoubtedly.

Nonetheless, I believe students and children need guidance on how to be "good digital citizens." We are hear more and more these days about bullying taking unique shape on the internet (and through text, for that matter). Kids say hurtful, mean things to others though technology that they might not THINK to say in person. The internet provides for children an environment that feels anonymous and secret. It similar to the reason kids bully when adults aren't around, they don't feel there will be repercussions if an adult or others don't see it happening.

Because the internet can be anonymous, it can be a dangerous place for children. When kids meet people "online" they may be walking into a very dangerous situation even though it seems benign. Therefore, there are many reasons to have a discussion with your children whenever they begin to use technology whether texting, searching online, joining social media outlets, etc.

As a school counselor I am seeing more and more of these issues affecting the school environment. Though students are not able to access texts and internet social websites at school, what they say and do through these avenues after school absolutely spills over into the classroom and playground.

So, I would ask you to partner with me in teaching children how to be kind when no one is looking! To protect their safety, reputation, and friendships. To help combat the dangerous affects of bullying. To keep them safe.

You can find more information at the following websites. On them are links to many different resources you can use to have a discussion with your child regarding responsible, respectful, and safe use of the internet and other sources of technology and communication.

http://www.educational-freeware.com/news/internet-safety.aspx

http://alldistrict.leesummit.k12.mo.us/internetsafety/

Respect Recap

I can't believe next week is October. Time flies when you are having fun! These past few weeks have gotten away from me! Here is what students learned this month when I visited their classrooms.

Kindergarteners learned respect from a box of crayons that don't get along. We read "The Crayon Box that Talked" by Shane Derolf and discussed how when we work together and respect one another, even though we are all different, we make a beautiful picture!

In First grade we talked about "Do Onto Otters" how you would have "otters do unto you" by reading a book by the same title (by Laurie Keller). This book has a very witty way of teaching the golden rule and helping kids learn how to treat one another with respect, especially when meeting many new friends as they are doing at the beginning of the year.

In Second Grade we discussed how to be peaceful with one another at school by reading "Peace Week in Miss Fox's Class" by Eileen Spinelli. Students brainstormed ways to resolve a problem they may have a school by doing something helpful and peaceful, rather than fighting back.

Third Graders Stamped-Out put downs by reading "Snail Started It" by Katja Reider, a story about animals who don't take responsibility for their actions and in the end cause a lot of disruption. The animals have to one by one go back and make better the harm they caused. We learned that negative comments and choices cause a spiral of negative behavior so instead of being negative or putting other's down, students thought of kind comments and actions to do instead!

In Fourth Grade we read "Our Friendship Rules" by Peggy Moss and Dee Dee Tardif. Students discussed the importance of trust in friendship and relationships. Students thought about and created their own friendship rules and linked them all together to make a colorful classroom chain--a visual that teachers put up in their room to help remind kids of how they have commited to treating each other this year.

In Fifth grade students participated in a heart activity that helped them to think about how their words and actions can have a lasting effect. We also read "Mr. Peabody's Apples" by Madonna to discuss how rumors and our choice of words can ruin an individual's reputation for a lifetime. Students viewed the video I have as the first post of this blog, and we discussed how we have a choice to hurt others with our words and actions, or possibly do something that will change their life forever for the positive! Which choice will they make?

Sixth graders were visited this month by Kerri Gray with Lee's Summit Cares, who facilitated a lesson on internet bullying.

I found this video and couldn't resist posting it at the end of our respect month! I am sure I would be a favorite among most HPE girls if I could get this visitor to come and sing Aretha Franklin's R-E-S-P-E-C-T for our school! Enjoy!!!


Check back soon to see when I will be visiting your child's classroom in October by visiting the tab at the top of the blog entitled "Guidance Schedule." Thanks for stopping by!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Source: stacylord.blogspot.com via Sarah on Pinterest

I keep finding myself singing Aretha Franklin's "Respect" song in my head! That's because respect is our character education trait for the month of September. Also, I have been planning lessons on respect and friendship skills, which is my focus for classroom lessons in the coming month. I find it helpful to review with students what it looks like and sounds like to respect one another at school.

For instance:

Source: classroomcollective.tumblr.com via Michelle on Pinterest

Don't forget to check out the Guidance Calendar link here to see when I will be visiting your child's classroom in September! Ask your child what they learned about "respect" at school! And, don't be surprised if they (or you) are singing along with Aretha in your head after your discussion with them :)

Have a wonderful long weekend and check back next week for a new blog post.

Highland Park Elementary Goes for the Gold!

I am sure you have heard by now that Highland Park's theme for this year is "Go for the Gold," inspired by the 2012 summer Olympics. I don't know about you but I absolutely love when the Olympics come around every 4 years! This summer's Olympics didn't disappoint. As a former gymnast, I especially loved watching Team USA, or the "Fierce Five" work together to take Gold in the team finals. And who can forget Gabby Douglas, the Flying Squirrel, achieve her dream of the individual All Around Gold.

There are so many amazing and inspiring stories from the Olympics. We see different aspects of character, strength, and personality through the games. But, I always find myself gravitating toward amazing stories of athletes overcoming odds to make their dreams come true. Or, achieving greatness in the face of adversity. This year's Olympics have many stories like this, but there is one that sticks out most to me. That is the story of Oscar Pistorius, South African double amputee Olympic track runner.



Oscar's dream was to compete in the Olympics alongside fellow able-bodied athletes. He achieved his dream in this Summer's Olympics.

I love this story because this is the reason why I became a counselor. I believe the true test of faith and character is defined in the face of adversity. What does one do when faced with a difficult situation? Give up? Or, push forward and find a way to attain one's goals, even in spite of the difficulties one faces? I love working as a counselor because it allows me the privilege to work alongside those who struggle for various reasons, and the exciting honor of watching them overcome adversity to achieve their goals.

This is why I don't only love the individual story of Oscar Pistorius, but the greater story of those around him who welcomed him to be part of their team even with his disability....



...and the character of his opponents who saw his struggle and fight, and honored that with their actions.




(First place Kirani James of Grenada swapped name tags with last place Oscar Pistorius after the Men's 400M semi-final).

This is how I see my role as the counselor at Highland Park Elementary. To be an encouragement to all students, first and foremost, but also to encourage those who are facing various aspects of adversity, encourage them not to give up, and celebrate when they succeed.

I also hope to inspire this in all students that I work with--that they, too, would encourage their classmates and friends when they are struggling. In fact, I see the culture of Highland Park Elementary as one where all staff and students are first creating their own goals and working hard to achieve them, but also encouraging one another, especially through the struggles, and celebrating everyone's successes. This is why I absolutely love being part of this community!

I am so excited for this year and the goals that I know many students will create and achieve! I am thrilled to be part of this journey with the amazing staff, students, and families here at HPE. I can't wait to see all that happens as we "Go for the Gold" together this year!

Purpose